I’m 52 but I feel like I’m 30. No, I’m not crazy!

About 25 years ago, I read glossy magazines, studied fashion and beauty sections, looked for tips on how to get rid of wrinkles, and look younger, and learn tips from the heading “about relationships” and “how to interest a loved one in 125 ways”, etc.

Today, out of habit, I look through articles on the topic “How not to grow old”, “how to age properly” and other harmless and useless rubbish, and this is what I want to say to those who are now 25-30: Do not waste time.

Getting old is cool.

I have struggled with aging for half my life, and it has won. Why was I wasting so much time? Why didn’t I immediately admit my defeat and try to just live? I don’t know.

All my life I pretended to be someone else: more sociable, more liberated, younger, more stylish. I spent tens of thousands of hours painting over my gray hair and weighing myself. Finally, I told myself enough is enough.

A year ago I stopped coloring my hair. I abandoned diets, and now I only make sure that my diet is complete – once, and tasty – two.  I gained 10 kilos and I don’t care.

I didn’t renew my contract with the fitness club because the only physical activity I really enjoy is running in the park in the morning while walking my dog. I stopped spending crazy money on cosmetics because for everyday makeup I need foundation, eyebrow pencils, and mascara.

I’m 52 but I feel like I’m 30.  No, I’m not crazy, I see all these wrinkles, sagging sides, and age spots. I’m talking about the inner state, the state of the soul. It’s just that I no longer kill myself in the field of “bring the body into a state corresponding to your sense of self”. I look 50, but I’m 30 at heart. That’s it. Dot.

About people like me, they say – “not a fighter.” And I don’t understand why it’s bad. Yes, I chose the path of least resistance: to be happy just because, not in spite of.

Yes, I am too old for many things. I’m too old to:

1. Be silent.

If I have something to say, I say it, and I’m not afraid to be misunderstood, or misheard, and I don’t think about what others might, of course, probably think about me. It’s their problem, not mine.

And if someone treated me badly, offended, offended or rude, I will not be silent, I will tell him or her:  “You are a boor, you said disgusting things, it’s unpleasant for me to communicate with you. ” And I will not think what I have done to deserve rudeness. You can’t deserve it at all. It’s just that there are boors in the world. And we need to put them in their place.

2. Worry about how I look.

My husband (yes, I’m married) invited me to have breakfast in a cafe. I went to get ready and found that dry shampoo (and shampoo in general) was over. I’ve worn jeans twice. And three years ago, I would have definitely told him that I was not ready to go somewhere in this form.

And now I thought, damn it, my beloved man is calling me to have breakfast with him. What difference does it make if I wash my hair? He saw me this morning and he wants to go to the cafe with me. Do you care what the people at the next table think? And yes, I did not iron the T-shirt. I don’t iron them at all anymore. They are clean. It’s enough.

3. Have weaknesses.

These are not weaknesses. These are my desires and I will make them come true. I’m not ashamed to read a dime novel, listen to Lady Gaga while dancing, eat cheesecake at 2 a.m., and watch The Walking Dead for the fifth time. Because Daryl is there.

4. Wear uncomfortable shoes.

Shoes – to make it comfortable to walk. It should be soft, comfortable, appropriate for the season, and be my size. And yes, I will wear sandals with socks if I am afraid that a long day will rub my foot. My leg is more important than the unbearable psychological trauma that I might inflict on someone’s aesthetic sense.

5. Apologies for the mess.

Excuse me, did you hire me to keep this house clean? Nothing, this is MY house? I wasn’t in the mood and I didn’t clean up – what’s your business?

6. Gather a crowd of friends.

Because you can’t invite Mary without inviting Jack, and John without remembering Laura. If I want to see Mary, I call Mary. And I normally take her refusal if she is having more fun with Jack.

7. Accumulate rubbish.

I deleted the phrase  “What if it comes in handy” from the lexicon. If I don’t know right now why I need this thing, it goes to the trash.8. Be an optimist.No, not every person has something good. Some people are shit from head to toe. Just bags of shit. And I will not waste a minute of my time looking for something good in this bag of feces.

I’m too old for many things. And I’m happy that I managed to realize this before they slammed a stone slab at my head with the inscription  “here lies Michelle, she did not live her whole life as she wanted, and died unhappily.”Be happy and think about what pleases you, not others, what you need, not your parents, friends, or boss.

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